Life is so unexpected.

I have always been told that there are two things you are sure about in life and thats you live and you die. This is something that has hit reality recently as I have seen how unexpected things can be.

Recently a family member got taken ill and it was the most shocking thing I have ever come across. He had been fit and healthy didn’t drink and didn’t smoke but ended up dying. However, we were very lucky enough to have them brought back round. This has made me realise that you never know what can be thrown in your direction.

There is one thing for sure this put me in such a horrible place as this family member meant the world to me and couldn’t even imagine my life without them. I have ensured that I have got the help I needed which involves going to see my therapist and also speaking to the doctors to ensure that I can get all the help I need to get me through this difficult situation. As I need to be strong to support my family as they need me more now then ever.

What I’m trying to say is that you never know what life is going to bring you but you need to ensure if you need help you don’t forget to ask for it. As you never know what bad places you can end up in. You don’t want to end up causing more heartache for yourself and your family. Sometimes the hardest thing is admitting you need help, but this doesn’t mean your weak if anything it means you strong. As not everyone can ask for help! Don’t ever be ashamed, everyone needs help once in a while and it is nothing feel weak about.

I’ve had to ask for help several times and I can tell you now that I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for the help and support of doctors, family, friends and therapists. I have had to overcome some very hard challenges over my 20 years of life and without the help I wouldn’t even be here today! I have become a lot stronger as result of the help and support I have been given. Not only that but they are able to help you to find ways to deal with situations which you may come across in future life.

So I just want to make sure that you don’t have to deal with these on your own!

V x

Is it normal to feel this way?

When dealing with such an upsetting and challenging situation you can ask yourself ‘Should I be feeling like this?’. The truth is there is no normal way to be feeling under these circumstances.

When dealing with someone taking their own life there are going to be a lot of emotions that you are going to experience some of them are;

Denial - You’re not going to be able to believe that they have done this and that the person you knew and loved wouldn’t have been so selfish to do this.

Confusion - A lot of people will be asking ‘why?’ as they won’t be able to understand why they have done this and why couldn't they come to me? Why couldn’t they have stuck it out and we all could have helped? But with this you will tend to find you won’t ever get the answer to these questions you have.

Anger - You will feel angry a lot of the time as you wont be able to understand why they wouldn't just speak to you. Also how could they put you through this pain, leave you alone to deal with the heartache and to pick up the pieces.

If you are starting to struggle with the situation I would recommend that you seek out help. As just speaking to someone and be listening to you can really be a huge help and help you to air off things which you have been keeping in for such a long time. However, the best way to deal with the situation is to try and accept the situation. But most importantly try to get on with normal day to day tasks such as washing and going out with friends. This is what will make the difference and help you to accept the situation.

Don’t ever question how you're feeling as everyone deals with situations in a different way. However, if you start to feel as though you could be a danger to yourself or anyone you need to contact your local GP.

Vx

Suicide in the family

Suicide is a very taboo subject and isn't something anyone likes to talk about even myself. But this is something that does happen more than we like to think.

I had a family member who took their own life a long time ago and I have even attempted myself. This isn't something I have ever spoken about out of the family apart from my therapy sessions, but it something that I would like to become more spoken about as it affects so many of us and we start to feel we have no-one to turn to. I would like to think that people can use this blog to help through hard times and help get them through.

Lets go right to the beginning.....

I am not going to go into a lot of detail as its not something we like to speak about or you would like to read about but I had a very close family member who decided to take their own life over 10 years ago but I didn't know about this as I was such a little girl, but this did come about 8 years after the death. As my family were all about protecting me but I will tell you there is no way of protecting someone when it comes to something like this! It actually made it a whole lot more difficult as I never understand why she wasn't here as no-one even gave me a reason. But families do what families do best and thats PROTECT.

After all of this time I had finally found out the real reason why she was no longer here but then all I had was questions that no-one could answer such as why?, what was so bad?, why then? why my family?, what did I do wrong?, what could I of done to stop it? and so on as when it comes to suicide if there is no note then how will we ever know! Overtime though to start to realise these are the questions which you have to come to terms with and you will more than likely never have the answers.

Family will always be on your side, don't do what I did and leave it so long to talk about this situation as this is something you need to work through as a family. You need to be able to support each other through the hard days and be there for a laugh on the good days. No doubt you will need to be someones shoulder to cry on and they yours but it will be all worth while down the line. The support you have will get you through this situation as this is something you are never really prepared for and probably never will.

One thing I am do believe strongly in is that just because this is a bad situation doesn't mean you should turn into a horrible person. You need to come out of this and be able to support your friends and family as after all you know times can be hard without the support. I have realised that helping loved ones makes everything worth while. Just because I've had a hard 15 years doesn't mean that I am going to be an nasty person to people who wouldn't understand and people who don't deserve it. So just be the best you, you can be as the person who is no longer here wouldn't want to see you be this horrible bitter person would they?

Life will be hard and it's something you will more than likely battle with throughout your life but I tell you now this is all about being the strong person that YOU are! I have all the faith in you and if I can get through this then you can too.

You will come across som
e nasty people who will feel the need to constantly remind you that your uncle, dad, mum, sister, brother took their own life, but they don't understand the reasons. They don't know what they have been through and most of all they don't understand the effect it has on the family members around you. You should never let them bring you down or make you feel that the person is weak or was a worthless human being! As far as we are concerned they are the strongest person we know who just couldn't take the weight of the world on their shoulders anymore. So just keep strong for them!

I'll leave you with this little quote -

"It is not seen as insane when a fighter, under an attack that will inevitable lead to his death, chooses to take his own life first. In fact, this act has been encouraged for centuries, and is accepted even now as an honorable reason to do the deed. How is it any different when you are under attack by your own mind?"

V x

Why?

This is a question a lot of people come across on a daily basis. However, this has a completely different meaning to me and maybe others.

As I have briefly explained I am a suicide survivor as well as losing my mum to suicide. So for me the question why? has a lot of meanings.....

1. Why did she decide she had to leave her family behind and not be able to get through what was so hard? Why her? Why didn't she say goodbye? Why did she not fight a little bit longer? Why MY mum?

2. Why did I feel that it was my only way out? Why did I put my family through so much heartache?

If you have lost a loved one to suicide you may NEVER get the answers to your questions and it can burden you and cause a lot of heartache in your life. If you feel as though it is becoming to much or you can't cope then make sure you look for help whether thats a friend or family member, your local GP or a counsellor. It can make the world of difference.

Back to why? this is the most hardest question/word I have to deal with, this word brings so much pain with it! I wish I could provide all the answers for you however, a lot of the people who can answer this question are no longer with us which makes it tougher. You may not have this question in your head as it may be all clear, but for some this what keeps them awake at night.

If the question why is getting you down then don't forget that one day you will realise this is one of those questions you will never have the answer to like... What came first the egg or the chicken? When that day comes you will be able to live your day to day life without this question being your burden!

This is something I am working on slowly but I will get there and so will you!

Never give up! Vx

Hello

I bet your all thinking what some more rubbish to read?

Well this is all about my story and help for suicide. I am keen about raising awareness for suicide as this seems to be something people forget about or don't want to talk about. Well me being a survivor of suicide and losing a loved one to suicide this is something I am very passionate about and have a good level of understanding of.

This is something I am still coming to terms with after finding out a loved one took their own life 15 years ago. However, I wasn't told about how they passed away until 8 years after the death due to going through the experience myself. So this has caused me to go through some difficult times. Hopefully we can go through these times together and help provide support.



Suicide is a something that happens on daily basis however, no-one wants to talk about it as it is the TABOO subject. Well we need to speak up and make sure people can hear us to help provide the support for those who don't want to ask as there ashamed.

'There is one death by suicide every two hours - and at least ten times that number attempt suicide.'

We need to all work together to help raise awareness and this is something I will be trying to do throughout this blog.

Vx