Why?

This is a question a lot of people come across on a daily basis. However, this has a completely different meaning to me and maybe others.

As I have briefly explained I am a suicide survivor as well as losing my mum to suicide. So for me the question why? has a lot of meanings.....

1. Why did she decide she had to leave her family behind and not be able to get through what was so hard? Why her? Why didn't she say goodbye? Why did she not fight a little bit longer? Why MY mum?

2. Why did I feel that it was my only way out? Why did I put my family through so much heartache?

If you have lost a loved one to suicide you may NEVER get the answers to your questions and it can burden you and cause a lot of heartache in your life. If you feel as though it is becoming to much or you can't cope then make sure you look for help whether thats a friend or family member, your local GP or a counsellor. It can make the world of difference.

Back to why? this is the most hardest question/word I have to deal with, this word brings so much pain with it! I wish I could provide all the answers for you however, a lot of the people who can answer this question are no longer with us which makes it tougher. You may not have this question in your head as it may be all clear, but for some this what keeps them awake at night.

If the question why is getting you down then don't forget that one day you will realise this is one of those questions you will never have the answer to like... What came first the egg or the chicken? When that day comes you will be able to live your day to day life without this question being your burden!

This is something I am working on slowly but I will get there and so will you!

Never give up! Vx